Psychologist’s 10 Tips for Staying Emotionally Healthy During COVID-19
I’m a clinical psychologist, so I think about all the big and small ways COVID-19 is impacting our mental health. I can’t avoid thinking about it. I’m working from home, and I went for a walk around my neighborhood the other day. Usually, I’m the one who smiles and says hello to everyone I pass. This time, as I tried to make eye contact, people would move way off onto the grass to pass me. Some would cross the street when they saw me coming. Rationally, I know they were practicing social distancing for both of our benefits. But still, it felt like rejection, and I felt it viscerally.
After discovering that someone had stolen my delivery of toilet paper (I never thought I’d see the day), I went from grocery store to grocery store trying to find some. There was a deafening silence that I’ve never experienced in that environment before. Somber-like, we all kept our heads down, trying not to touch something that someone else had just touched, suspicious that everyone we saw might be silent carriers of the virus. The fact that there are no more paper products on the shelves, let alone toilet paper, in any of the local stores (and Amazon isn’t delivering toilet paper until mid-May, I checked!), speaks to our level of uncertainty, indeed of our panic.
It also speaks to what we do when we are in our fear-based minds. We take more than we need. We don’t share. We create outgroups. We act unkindly. And, as history has shown, we can do much worse. These are the things — along with our fear of catching or transmitting the virus and the health of our loved ones — that are keeping many of us anxious these days.
Your Emotional Health Matters
We are learning a lot lately about how to keep ourselves and each other physically safe and healthy during this pandemic. That’s critical. But so too is our emotional health. As a clinical psychologist, I’ve noticed a sharp increase in anxiety and stress, as well as the fear of worsening depression during prolonged periods of isolation. Our mind and body are not separate entities. What we think and feel literally changes how our body functions. Our thoughts influence our immune system, our mood, our behavior, and our well-being. No one knows how long this pandemic will last or how bad it might get, nor do we have any idea when life will get back to normal. I think it’s becoming clear that it won’t be anytime soon.
As such, it’s imperative that we look after our emotional well-being with just as much intention and diligence as we are using to take care of our physical health. I’d like to offer a few tips that can help us stay emotionally well during uncertain times. I’ve pulled these from research, my clinical experience with patients, and my own personal experience. Not all will resonate for you, but hopefully some will. When you find the ones that speak to you, commit yourself to practicing them daily. Just like you are washing your hands frequently, check in with yourself regularly and engage in good self-care like your well-being depended on it. Because it does.
10 Tips for Emotional Well-Being
1. Name Your Emotion. It’s okay to be scared or overwhelmed or angry or anything else right now. I’d be surprised if you weren’t. It’s not unhealthy to feel our negative emotions; it’s unhealthy to marinate in them for long periods of time. When we name what we are feeling — for example, I am feeling afraid — it reduces activity in our limbic system, which reduces unpleasant emotions. Naming our emotion also increases activity in the prefrontal cortex, which gives us more access to creative resources and rational thinking and decision-making. Next time you are feeling a negative emotion, try naming it.
2. Breathe. I used to hate when my parents would tell me to breathe when I was upset as a kid. It felt so basic and banal. Then I got to graduate school and read the research on how deep, rhythmic breathing is the fastest way to activate the parasympathetic nervous system, the system that shuts down our fight-flight stress response. I guess my parents were on to something. There are lots of ways you can use your breath to calm your nervous system. One approach is to breathe in for four counts, hold your breath for two counts, and breathe out for six counts. Repeat this for ten cycles.
3. Be Kind. The saying, “In a world where you can be anything, be kind,” is so applicable right now. More than ever, we need to be kind to ourselves and kind to others. Being kind to yourself might look like going to bed earlier to ensure your body is recovering optimally. It might look like ceasing to judge yourself for being afraid. Being kind to each other might look like not buying more food or toilet paper than you need for yourself and your family and sharing what you have with others. It might mean moving six feet off the sidewalk when someone approaches, but still making eye contact and smiling at them. There are countless ways to practice kindness, which leaves us all feeling better.
4. Remember What You Do Have Control Over. When our world feels out of control, when our employer or government must issue decrees about what we can and can no longer do to keep us safe, it’s important to remember all of the things we still have control over. You have (some) control over your schedule. You have control over your mind. You have control over your attitude. How you show up in the world during this time is up to you. This can be a very empowering perspective to embody.
5. Take Breaks and Set Limits. Working from home can quickly become working all the time. The boundaries between work-time and home-time become blurred. It can be helpful to set limits on when you will and won’t work and when you are and are not available for work-related conversations. Be sure to communicate your limits with your supervisor and colleagues, so that you can all work as a team to remain productive and emotionally healthy.
6. Get Some Sun. Just because many of us are not leaving the house for work doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be leaving the house. Unless that becomes a government issued order, although even then standing by an open window is better than nothing. Sunshine boosts vitamin D production, which increases our immunity and helps prevent depression. Try to get at least 15 minutes of sunshine a day.
7. Count Your Blessings. There is so much research showing the benefits of gratitude. We don’t have to be thankful that we’re experiencing a pandemic, but there are still so many things to be grateful for in life. One exercise that has been shown to reduce depression is to write down three different things every day that you are grateful for. Do this for a few weeks. Nothing is too big or too small for the list. Just make sure they are different things each day.
8. Nourish Your Spirit. You may or may not identify as a spiritual or religious person, but we can all benefit from nourishing our spirit. There is a lot of research showing that people who practice their spirituality or religion have better physical and emotional health. This might look like reflecting on what creates meaning and purpose in your life and focusing your attention and activities on these things. It might look like meditating or practicing yoga or taking a walk in the woods. For those that have a religious faith, it might look like praying or virtually attending a religious service.
9. Stay Connected. One of the strongest and most robust predictors of health in the social science literature is the association between social support and health. Quite simply, we need each other. This can be more challenging when we have been asked to socially distance, but it’s not impossible. In fact, one of the things we can be grateful for is the abundance of technology and social media options we have available to us. You might meet a friend for virtual tea. Or have your book club meeting using Google Hangouts. Or have a Zoom or Skype dinner party. Even just texting and calling your friends frequently, especially the ones who live alone, can make a world of difference. The options for staying connected are plentiful, if we’re willing to get creative.
10. Choose to Bloom. When we are plunged into the dark and scary times in life, one of three things can happen next: the darkness can destroy us; it can leave us relatively unchanged; or it can help to transform us. The science of resilience and post-traumatic growth has begun exploring what makes us more likely to experience the latter: positive growth and transformation. It takes conscious work and determination to choose to be transformed in the midst of loss and suffering. I call people who require the dark times in life to become all they were meant to be Night Bloomers.
When we see ourselves as Night Bloomers, we shift our perspective from one of fear and despair to one of growth and hope. Blooming in the dark doesn’t happen automatically. The darkness is an opportunity for transformation, not a guarantee. This very challenging time we’re in right now can be that opportunity. Here are some important questions we can be asking ourselves: Who do I want to be during this time? How do I want to show up in the world? Who do I want to have become once we’re back to a sense of normalcy?
As a clinical psychologist, I would be remiss if I didn’t also say that sometimes we can do all these things and more and it’s still not enough to stay emotionally healthy. That’s okay. That’s why we have mental health professionals. If you’re finding yourself needing extra support, please reach out for it. Almost all insurance companies have temporarily approved video sessions for therapy. You can contact a local mental health clinic or call your insurance company for a list of in-network providers. You can also use an online therapy organization like Better Help.
This is an unprecedented time. And, so too can be our response. Here’s to your health and to your thriving in adversity!
Connect with Me:
Website: www.DrMichellePearce.com
Instagram: @bloomwithdrmichelle
To learn more about my book, “Night Bloomers: 12 Principles for Thriving in Adversity” visit https://www.drmichellepearce.com/books
